Ya know I'm trying to be a good wifey.... I'm trying get my poop together so that I can get my house organized and feed my family good healthy home cooked meals..... but I'm so unprepared for this kind of child! LOL! I got spoiled with the first and second... so apparently it is divine retribution! I hope I'm a quick study! LOL! Without further adieu - Failed shopping trips or maybe they're successful depending on your perspective!
You know your shopping trip is doomed from the start when child B spills her drink all over her shirt, knit shorts and cloth diaper.... and the freshly washed carseat cover is still drinking up the liquid! But the tides seem to change when someone takes pity on you and forgot to take your weekend ditty bag out of the trunk, thus you find not only a FULL change of clothes *what was I thinking* but a wad of disposable diapers that you 'NEVER' ordinarily have on hand. But don't be fooled... this is just a ruse. You put your seemingly innocent children into the cart and they start pounding the snot out of each other.... Long hair begets screeches of "MUMMY she pulled my hair", followed by "OW OW OW" from the gibberish-laden vocabulary of your 1 yr old. "What did you do?" "I bit her ear!" "You WHAT?" Sheepish grin. GRRR. A few minutes later your 1 yr old is bellowing.... yes bellowing at full tilt to be let out of the seat and the minute you get her clear of the cart she does that neat trick of putting her arms straight over hear head so she lands in a heap on the floor with a leering grin - that makes you shiver. You are doomed and you know it.... but maybe they'll be goood.... you fool! Just one more thing....
The one year old contentedly walks by the cart for all of the 5 seconds it takes to crest the next aisle, then she without warning darts like a cat burglar in and out of the view of the moving carts that have converged to plug this aisle, like there aren't 12 other aisles to be in! You spy the cans... a vision blooms in your head of the cans being meticulous pulled from the shelves... and the familiar heap and grin make you shiver again! You grab 3 cans before admitting defeat and you don't dare give rise to your vision which remains a vision due to your quick wit and clever planning. Your children have won but the battle is not over - you still have to check out what is in your basket.... you refuse to come home empty handed..... half a dinner is better than nothing... thank goodness you are vegetarian again - because the only meat in the cart was had from the deli before that leering all telling grin that forecast the outcome of this trip. Your attempts to have the 1 yr old cooperatively walk by the cart end in a battle of who is more agile.... the 1 yr old or her mother. Mother reigns supreme in this department but Hyena B has a voice that can make her displeasure known to all who happen near. I had a woman look at me like I was abducting my child from the store... thank goodness they look like me! LOL! She said nothing.
We made it home safe, the little groceries we did get were put away amid a spewing of obscenities that I'm glad I couldn't understand from the 1 yr old.
Thank goodness for nap times and chocolate!
The question becomes will I survive this child?
ETA: Yes it is okay to laugh... I won't be offended.