Just a little rant - so you've been forewarned!
You know much of this weekend I've been struggling with "Who I am." Which is odd. I'm comfortable with myself for the most part but there are just days when I question myself, whether there is something wrong with me socially etc. Where did this start?
A few weeks ago I had read a magazine article about a woman finding some long lost friends on the internet via facebook. They touched base, they met up and conversed... and one of the questions that was asked was...
"Do you think your teenage self would like who you are today?"
Now for me I can't say. I was never really all the flighty, I was never really all that self absorbed, I think as a teen I was a pretty responsible kid and pretty darn trustworthy too with a decent head on my shoulders! I haven't really changed all that much. I wasn't a party-er... and I'm still not, though I do get out much more than I used to! Oddly I am doing what I wanted to do when I was a teen, and that is be a stay at home mom. So ya I'm doing okay by my teenage self's views for the most part.
But venture a little further and I'm finding myself socially in conflict with neighbors. I'm not gossipy, I'm not a "keepin' up with the Joneses" person, and I say I don't care what other people think of me, but I think I really do. I think my aim in life is to not have people hate me or think I'm a weirdo but I think my outward approach is such that I do come across as very different. I'm not out to inconvenience people and I'm not trying to tick people off but apparently my need for a new driveway is causing the neighbors no end of grief. No offense people but TUFF.
For brief moment on Friday, I worried that somehow my neighbor could sue us for her friend backing into my husband's car. I think there is some shady business going on and they might try to get something out of us or prevent us from claiming the insurance - or maybe they're covering their rear end just in case but there is something a muck. The neighbor, Real Estate agent or not, was busily out there taking pictures of the damage, taking pictures of his house in relation to where dh's car was parked etc. He generally doesn't take pictures of his house even on bright sunny days. So I spent a fair amount of time being ticked off with them, and ticked for dh that his 17 yr old car got damaged in such a careless and stupid way!
Add this to a few quiet insults I've been getting from a so-called "friend" and it amounted to an OMG what have I done wrong kinda day. What the heck is wrong with me?! Turns out I'm caring too much and far to sensitive. So I'm working on it.... along with my secret Christmas stuff I'm working on it!