Sunday, October 10, 2010

DNA - it's Your Fault

As the parent of 4 beautiful children, 1 with a birth defect and 1 with a genetic anomaly does it really matter how either came about? In our quest to gather information to help future generations prevent the diseases, defects and anomalies that our children face, I understand the whole reason for testing. But when a grandparent comes to you and says "OMG we should all be tested to find out why this happened," isn't that person looking to wash their mortal soul clean of the guilt that possibly their DNA may have caused this? I mean mom and dad have enough DNA to answer the question of where this came from - don't they??

I care that my child has spina bifida, and a bunch of bizarre manifestations that leave her doctors scratching their heads wondering why. I care that my child has galactosemia - but not severe enough to warrant any special services from the medical community. As the mother of these children, I have spent years blaming myself not really knowing if the blame is appropriately placed. I have blamed myself not knowing if their birth issues were a matter of a freak accident during a certain stage of their development - that happened when I carried them. But over the years, that blame hasn't helped me but hindered my ability to deal with the fact that the issue is there. Blame isn't going to make it better, knowing who is at fault isn't going to take it away. Knowing where the faulty genetic material came from isn't going to change how I love them - because they are who they are inspite of things. My job as a mum to these kids (all of them) is to move on and make them into the people they will be for their lives - to help them live with the abilities, disabilities and capabilities they have and if possible not let them hold themselves back because of them.

I care, to know if my children - should watch out for certain gotchas and I want to help my children at least know what they are up against should they decide to have children in the future, but isn't it enough that we research the mother, father and siblings... do we really have to involve the grandparents?? Only 1/4th of their genetic material is likely to be present in their grandchildren. What will testing 4 grandparents, 3 aunts and uncles, 10 cousins, 2 parents and 3 siblings really provide for the picture and maybe we should throw in the family dog too (if we had one!) Will it make you feel better to point the finger straight at the person who has the faulty DNA and say "IT's ALL YOUR FAULT!" But wait - what if the issue is a mix of both sides. Can we then turn around say to the Doctor "OMG its all your fault you should have know that this would happen!"

Pardon my french - but screw the blame, it is what it is, and knowing what your DNA looks like isn't going to help - let's look from this point forward and help our children know what their future could be. Let them make their decisions based on knowledge of themselves going forward.

And OMG for pities sake, keep your pity to yourself, it isn't welcome over my door or near my children. We don't need pity - we need someone to hold us up and make us strong, and move us forward ...

So let the merry sunshine in and show me what you can do kids!


AmyDe said...

FAULT? Like knowing anything now changes a damned thing?

Fault indicates someone made a mistake and excuse me, but how can DNA that God created be mistake?

You must get terribly frustrated at stupid things people say to you - I know I do (about being adopted "Do you know who your 'real' parents are?").

My parents couldn't have kids together and that was the end of it - it was no one's FAULT - just a circumstance. A circumstance that allowed them to seek and find options and opportunities and all the other wonderful things that life brings - just like you guys and the girls. They never told anyone (including me) where the trouble resided - IT WAS NO ONE'S BUSINESS!!!!!

Things are how they are - PERIOD! I agree - nothing else matters. And people should really think much longer before they open their mouths to speak (fat chance right).

Grumpy said...

People will always comment, but when the comments come from certain people who really should know better, then I get offended. Often times people ask questions out of curiosity or plain ignorance... and I get that ... I get that they might phrase it properly, and it might come out a little crass. And I account for that! Most often I just say look I'm not offended at this question but someone else may be...

I think my biggest beef is I am a lay person - and I know more practical knowlege of my children's issues than some of the doctors who have read about it in the books. But that said I won't always ask the right questions that a doctor would. Does it matter if the problem is systemic (involving multiple systems) or limited to a specific organ... while it might be important to a doctor trying to get a handle on it... I can only treat based on what I know ... if that makes sense. And half the people I have dealt with medically don't have a clue about the the issues anyway....

Ah the rant I could have! LOL!